Don't forget I can't 'be' you, I'm me


24 Jan
24Jan

Every day in every way, people are unknowingly and for the most part unintentionally trying to make you into their version of you. Don't let them.  

One of my first lessons as a therapist was to be a better listener.  As a life coach I learned 'stop fixing' others.  Even the famous author Stephen Covey taught me 'if you want to be understood, first understand'.

And yet, still I struggle too with being over bearing and a fixer, giving unsolicited advice.  So I am sure the untrained have an even greater problem (or even lack of realizing) this tendency.

So just what is it that drives us to want to give unsolicited advice to others, even when they haven't asked us for it?

In my case I think it was a learned mechanism from family and society.  In my family one of the memes is this idea of comparison: what do you mean you have a problem with that? why not just do what I do?

Many believe that when others complain that means they 'have to have an answer'. But, why do we think that? Are we just uncomfortable not being able to help?  Not really knowing what to say?

So don't forget: We're not being rebellious when we don't do or say 'no' when people try to get us to do what we don't feel works for us. Sometimes it's true that if we try someone someone pushed on us it works.  But is it sustainable?  Maybe not?

Why? Because change from OUTSIDE tends not to sustain like changes we make from INSIDE.  Why? Because what's significant or motivating to a person is personal to them.  Just like for you.

So tomorrow when someone comes to you with a complaint or a problem, what are you going to 'do'?

I hope you took this post to heart.  If you did, you will know exactly what to do!



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